Real Men Cry

I have spent a good deal of my life being plagued with what I would like to call a phenomenon. Although sometimes I really don't know what to think of it. I am compelled to tears very easily. No not because someone told me that I was fat, although, that really is not very nice to say to someone. I often have tears well up in my eyes for the strangest reasons. I am deeply affected by musical moments. Not just any musical moments. I can't really explain why it happens but certain musical things that happen really move me. For instance, in Beethoven's 5th Symphony there is a passage that has a beautiful chord change that brings resolution to a piece that is very suspenseful. Puccini's La Boheme, which is an opera, really gets me going. There is a scene at the end as Mimi finally passes away that causes tears to just pour down my face. In other songs, I am moved to tears when there is a wonderful chorus of voices singing in harmony. I can listen to the same song over and over and each time my eyes tear up at the same spot. Other times, I am moved by exceptional singers who sing soulfully and powerfully.

I know that I am not the only person who does this, but I also know that it probably happens to me with a greater frequency than most people. I feel certain that it is linked to some bad behavior on my part when I was a child. There was a woman at my church as a child, who sang in the choir. She was crying most every time I can remember her singing. No matter what song, she was crying at some point during the song. Now as a young adolescent boy who wouldn't dream of crying in public, I often found myself ridiculing this woman for her lack of emotional control. And so the curse began. At least for most of my life I have considered it a curse. It is really not cool to be riding in your car to work with tears rolling down your face while you listen to opera music. I suppose many would contend that it is not cool to be listening to opera music in my car.

Lately, I have experienced the crying thing when I listen to Christian music. In particular, songs that speak of Jesus dying on the cross. The ultimate sacrifice in the name of love always causes me to cry.

But let's think for a moment. Have you ever really thought about how miraculous it is to cry. For the most part, if something comes out of your body there is a physical reason. But crying is emotional. There are actually chemical reactions taking place in your body that cause your eyes to tear up when you are highly emotional.

To me crying is a sign of love. So this is my real reason for posting tonight. As a young child, I only remember my dad crying two times; the death of my grandfather and the death of my grandmother. I am sure he may have cried other times, but I only remember those two times. I was obviously crying, a little boy who is trying to understand what is happening and why his grandma or grandpa is not going to be around anymore. But when I saw my dad cry it really tore me up. These events had truly cracked him. His shoulders where dropped, his head bowed, his hands in his face. This was not the posture of my dad. I get the feeling that before a very significant event that occurred later in life for my dad, showing emotion other than laughter or anger, was not going to happen. I remember many times being told that "I tease you because I love you," and "teasing is how I show you that I love you." But quite honestly it wasn't doing much for me. Of course, I knew that my dad loved me. He was good to me, I had "plenty" to eat, clothes to wear, he was concerned about my well-being, praised me for good grades and accomplishments at school and in sports. All of the right things were happening. I knew that I was loved, but the teasing thing really did not sit well with me.

Then I was off to college. For the most part on my own, unless you count weekend visits to have my laundry done by my mom, groceries bought for me and money handed over. That was the main thing. Of course, my mom would pull on my neck and tell me how much she missed me and loved me and my dad would ask how my car was running. But then one day I got a call from my mom, something had happened. I suppose the stress of me costing my parents a fortune while I went to college, my brother having whatever issues he was having and my dad struggling with issues at work had finally taken its toll. I don't know exactly what caused it or what went on even, but I do know that my dad had been changed forever. My mom would tell me that my dad would go to the front of their church during prayer time and just cry. I couldn't imagine what in the world could have caused this to happen. I did not know what to think. I vividly remember a time, when I had blown my rent money. All of it was gone and it was time to pay the rent. I called my dad to tell him and he, as would be expected, yelled at me for being irresponsible, he told me he would try to figure out what he would have to do to fix it and then we hung up. The most incredible thing happened next. I was sitting there all upset and mad and feeling stupid and the phone rings. It is my dad and he is crying. He told me he was sorry for yelling at me and told me THAT HE LOVED ME. He said we would figure something out and it would be OK. This was the first time in my life that I knew and believed in my heart that my dad truly loved me. It meant so much to me and it continues to mean the world to me as I sit here crying, of course. From that day on, my dad always tells me he loves me. He always gives me a big hug when I leave or he leaves. He always tells me he loves me. It means so much to me.

I don't want you to think that I was unhappy with my relationship with my dad as a child. I just want you to know that I am incredibly happy with my relationship with my dad now. I have learned so much through this experience and I want more than anything to have this same loving relationship with my wife and my two girls.

If for some reason you are reading this and you have a hard time expressing love for your family. Maybe you think that providing them with whatever they need materially, or joking around with them or making sure they are growing up they way they should, is enough. Let me just tell you that stopping to take the time to say I LOVE YOU and giving them a hug is more valuable than anything you could ever give them. And if you get a little teary-eyed telling them how much you love them, go ahead and let those tears roll down your face. Don't be embarrassed. JC cried plenty of times and he was definitely a real man.

John 11:35 (NIV) Then Jesus wept.

That pretty much says it all doesn't it.