Kiss and Make Up

I am supposed to be cleaning our office right now. For some reason I really enjoy seeing the pile of bills that have been paid over the past year on our computer desk, but my wife is not so impressed. While I was sitting here I was caught up by our screen saver on our computer. It basically gives a slideshow of all of the pictures on our computer in a random order. This is like a stroll down memory lane. A brief snapshot to remind you of something that took place in the last few years. In my case, most of the pictures, are candid shots of our two little girls. I often get a little teary-eyed looking at the pictures. They look so happy and it seems like they are growing way too fast. But it is the look in their eyes that really gets me. It is a look that, most of the time, is unharnessed by the trivial things of life that get most of us adults bogged down. Their eyes are saying, I am loving every minute of what I am doing and I can't wait to see what happens next. They are filled with innocence and joy. They bear no grudge.

I must confess that I have a serious grudge that I bear. OK, other than with Best Buy. I have one other grudge that I just cannot let go. As I first started in college, I was not so interested in developing my study skills. I was very much interested in experiencing a life of independence with new things to do and new people to do them with. Some of the classes I took did not get the attention they deserved. One of these classes was the ever-so-dreaded Music Theory. I really did not like Music Theory. I had to take Music Theory in order to keep my scholarship. So each semester I would struggle through, always being placed in the dumb-kids group. The group with the tenth year seniors, tuba players, blonde vocalists and drummers. Well, each year I managed to make it through with just enough points to pass the class. I had finally made it to my last semester and my teacher (a grad student) was not truly inspirational to put it bluntly. But that did not matter, I had to persevere and pass the class so I could finally be done with theory. About 3/4's of the way through the semester, my teacher met with each person in the class to discuss our current grade situation. She told us where we were at and told us specifically what needed to be done to pass the class. This was very important to me so I was very attentive while she spoke. I now new what had to be done. And I did it. I turned in all of the assignments with passing grades. I completed all of my sight-singing sessions and I got the grade I needed on the final exam to pass the class. However, there was a problem. When grades came out over the summer, I did not get a passing grade. I immediately called my theory teacher to find out what happened. She did not return my calls. I finally called the head theory professor and he said that my teacher had gone back to North Carolina for the summer and by looking at the grades she turned in I did not have enough points to pass the class. I was furious. How could this have happened? I did just what she told me to do. Finally, my teacher was contacted. But there was another problem. She could not locate her grade book. My guess was that she rolled it up page by page and smoked it in North Carolina. I pleaded continually with the professor. She told me what to do, I did it and now she says I didn't have enough points. I finally petitioned the dean of the school of music, notice I have not capitalized "DEAN," because my grudge extends to him as well. I provided him with a 7 page (I know hard to believe I could right that much) petition explaining detail by detail what happened. I also pointed out that the teacher was terribly irresponsible to lose her grade book and that alone merited my grade being changed. As far as I was concerned, every student in the class who was unhappy with their grade should have petitioned the dean. SHE LOST HER GRADE BOOK. So I had the final showdown. It was me on one side of the table with my theory teacher, the head professor and the dean of the school of music on the other side. The evidence for my case was insurmountable. I did what she said to do, I got the grade I needed on the exam, she lost her grade book. But the dean just kept saying, "I really don't see any reason to change the grade at this time. I really don't see any reason to change the grade at this time. I really don't see any reason to change the grade at this time. I really don't see any reason to change the grade at this time. I really don't see any reason to change the grade at this time." As you can imagine, I hear that in my head to this day. It wasn't so much having to take the class over again or paying for the class again (well my parents had to pay for it, but I felt their pain). The worst part was knowing that I was right and they were wrong, but I had to be punished for it.

As always, every time in life we think we are getting the short end of the stick and think (even know) that we have been wronged, it really doesn't amount to much when you consider what Jesus did for us. Hey, Jesus went to class and studied really hard (metaphorically speaking) and he died for you and me. I see these shows on TV about grudges that people hold for many years and think, those people really have a problem. Now I am starting to realize that I too have a problem. The three people who wronged me can't even remember my name and I have wasted hours of my life telling this story over and over and getting angrier and angrier. Who really cares? You probably don't care.

Ephesians 4:29-32 (NIV) says this, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Mark11:24-25 (NLT) says Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you will have it. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.

Lord, please allow me to see this world through eyes like my two little girls. Eyes that are full of wonder, hope and joy. Help me to forgive my music theory teacher. Lord, while you are at it, please help me to forgive the Best Buy guy, too. Thank you for the sacrifice you made for me.

I know I can't expect the whole world to lift their grudges today. I am going to have to pray really hard on this one myself, but I am going to let it go. I have to. Don't you?