Real Men Cry

I have spent a good deal of my life being plagued with what I would like to call a phenomenon. Although sometimes I really don't know what to think of it. I am compelled to tears very easily. No not because someone told me that I was fat, although, that really is not very nice to say to someone. I often have tears well up in my eyes for the strangest reasons. I am deeply affected by musical moments. Not just any musical moments. I can't really explain why it happens but certain musical things that happen really move me. For instance, in Beethoven's 5th Symphony there is a passage that has a beautiful chord change that brings resolution to a piece that is very suspenseful. Puccini's La Boheme, which is an opera, really gets me going. There is a scene at the end as Mimi finally passes away that causes tears to just pour down my face. In other songs, I am moved to tears when there is a wonderful chorus of voices singing in harmony. I can listen to the same song over and over and each time my eyes tear up at the same spot. Other times, I am moved by exceptional singers who sing soulfully and powerfully.

I know that I am not the only person who does this, but I also know that it probably happens to me with a greater frequency than most people. I feel certain that it is linked to some bad behavior on my part when I was a child. There was a woman at my church as a child, who sang in the choir. She was crying most every time I can remember her singing. No matter what song, she was crying at some point during the song. Now as a young adolescent boy who wouldn't dream of crying in public, I often found myself ridiculing this woman for her lack of emotional control. And so the curse began. At least for most of my life I have considered it a curse. It is really not cool to be riding in your car to work with tears rolling down your face while you listen to opera music. I suppose many would contend that it is not cool to be listening to opera music in my car.

Lately, I have experienced the crying thing when I listen to Christian music. In particular, songs that speak of Jesus dying on the cross. The ultimate sacrifice in the name of love always causes me to cry.

But let's think for a moment. Have you ever really thought about how miraculous it is to cry. For the most part, if something comes out of your body there is a physical reason. But crying is emotional. There are actually chemical reactions taking place in your body that cause your eyes to tear up when you are highly emotional.

To me crying is a sign of love. So this is my real reason for posting tonight. As a young child, I only remember my dad crying two times; the death of my grandfather and the death of my grandmother. I am sure he may have cried other times, but I only remember those two times. I was obviously crying, a little boy who is trying to understand what is happening and why his grandma or grandpa is not going to be around anymore. But when I saw my dad cry it really tore me up. These events had truly cracked him. His shoulders where dropped, his head bowed, his hands in his face. This was not the posture of my dad. I get the feeling that before a very significant event that occurred later in life for my dad, showing emotion other than laughter or anger, was not going to happen. I remember many times being told that "I tease you because I love you," and "teasing is how I show you that I love you." But quite honestly it wasn't doing much for me. Of course, I knew that my dad loved me. He was good to me, I had "plenty" to eat, clothes to wear, he was concerned about my well-being, praised me for good grades and accomplishments at school and in sports. All of the right things were happening. I knew that I was loved, but the teasing thing really did not sit well with me.

Then I was off to college. For the most part on my own, unless you count weekend visits to have my laundry done by my mom, groceries bought for me and money handed over. That was the main thing. Of course, my mom would pull on my neck and tell me how much she missed me and loved me and my dad would ask how my car was running. But then one day I got a call from my mom, something had happened. I suppose the stress of me costing my parents a fortune while I went to college, my brother having whatever issues he was having and my dad struggling with issues at work had finally taken its toll. I don't know exactly what caused it or what went on even, but I do know that my dad had been changed forever. My mom would tell me that my dad would go to the front of their church during prayer time and just cry. I couldn't imagine what in the world could have caused this to happen. I did not know what to think. I vividly remember a time, when I had blown my rent money. All of it was gone and it was time to pay the rent. I called my dad to tell him and he, as would be expected, yelled at me for being irresponsible, he told me he would try to figure out what he would have to do to fix it and then we hung up. The most incredible thing happened next. I was sitting there all upset and mad and feeling stupid and the phone rings. It is my dad and he is crying. He told me he was sorry for yelling at me and told me THAT HE LOVED ME. He said we would figure something out and it would be OK. This was the first time in my life that I knew and believed in my heart that my dad truly loved me. It meant so much to me and it continues to mean the world to me as I sit here crying, of course. From that day on, my dad always tells me he loves me. He always gives me a big hug when I leave or he leaves. He always tells me he loves me. It means so much to me.

I don't want you to think that I was unhappy with my relationship with my dad as a child. I just want you to know that I am incredibly happy with my relationship with my dad now. I have learned so much through this experience and I want more than anything to have this same loving relationship with my wife and my two girls.

If for some reason you are reading this and you have a hard time expressing love for your family. Maybe you think that providing them with whatever they need materially, or joking around with them or making sure they are growing up they way they should, is enough. Let me just tell you that stopping to take the time to say I LOVE YOU and giving them a hug is more valuable than anything you could ever give them. And if you get a little teary-eyed telling them how much you love them, go ahead and let those tears roll down your face. Don't be embarrassed. JC cried plenty of times and he was definitely a real man.

John 11:35 (NIV) Then Jesus wept.

That pretty much says it all doesn't it.

New England Patriots, BCS, Free WII's, and Gas Prices.

Just testing out the site meter and search engine settings on my blog.

What in the world would I do without Google? I Google anything I can. I use it to find things, to remember the names of famous people, to get definitions for things, to prove a point to a friend who swears that something isn't true. Most search engines will probably get you what you need, but I prefer Google. I have heard that people have tried to insert the information available on Google into their brains. I suppose I should Google that to find out if it is possible.

Should things really be this easy? Quite often I find that I take things for granted. I can easily remember slaving over a word processor at the library when I was in college. Now I have a computer in my house that my 4 year old daughter can operate. She really enjoys the Disney website. I sometimes even have trouble imagining life without computers. I honestly have no idea what my job would be like without computers and I really don't want to know. I like the speedy access to information. I like having a million fonts to choose from when I write a letter. I like to be able to check up on my football team. I suppose it is an OK thing.

But sometimes we take things for granted and it is not OK. This past Sunday our church observed communion as it usually does on the first Sunday of each month. For the longest time I looked at communion as a time to pray really hard and really quick. I would try to summarize what I was sorry for in my life and reflected on the things that I needed to improve and then I would decide how I would stop doing those things and turn things around to make God happy. All of this had to be done, before it was my turn to take communion. Don't get me wrong, I understood what was going on during communion. Basically a reinactment of the Last Supper in which Jesus urged the disciples to remember the sacrifice he was about to make. But I only recently gained a perspective of what communion meant to me.

About 3-4 years ago, I saw the movie, Passion of the Christ. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. As I watched this movie, I first began to realize exactly what it meant to be persecuted, to be flogged with a cat-o-nine-tails, to be spit upon and riduculed, to have a crown of sharp thorns pressed onto my head. I also began to see what it was like to have to see this happen to someone you loved and adored and yes, even, brought into this world. My oldest daughter was just a year old around that time and I viewed the Passion from a new perspective, as a father.

I believe watching that movie prepared my heart for what happened to me a few months ago. I was at a men's spiritual leadership retreat and one of the speakers was discussing communion. As the guy talked through his presentation, one of the support staff brought around a small communion cup to all of the men at the retreat. As the speaker was nearing the end of his talk, he asked that we all take communion. Everyone in the room picked up their cup and in unison took a drink of what we soon learned was vinegar. The impact was shocking to me. Try it if you want to. Pour a few ounces of vinegar into a cup and swallow it down. After we all recovered from our bitter drink experience, the speaker reminded us that the last thing Jesus had to drink as he hung on the cross was vinegar.

How humbling. Christ was perfect. He committed no sin. Yet out of love for you and me he endured an unimaginable death. He was betrayed by a close friend for a small amount of money. He was beaten and tortured like you and I could never imagine. Lashes from whips, shards of bone digging into his flesh and then ripped out. Being forced to drag a heavy cross to the place where he would be crucified. Nails pounded into his hands and feet. And then raised up to allow gravity to pull on his body and eventually put him to death. And all I can think about is my dumb hangups and stupid behavior and how I can try to make things better.

I can't even imagine what the first communion must have been like after Christ had gone back to Heaven. But I am going to try to the next time I have communion.

Luke 22:14-20 (NIV) - When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table. And he said to them, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God. After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes." And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."

Fish Love Shiny Things

Do I fish? No. I have in the past and I would like to, but I am really not very good at it. There are so many things that you have to know about fishing to be able to really enjoy it and be good at it. Where to go, when to go, how to find the perfect spot to sit and wait for the fish to come to you. Despite not knowing any of those things, I do know one thing. FISH LOVE SHINY THINGS. Why? I don't know. But every description of fishing lures I have seen has the word "shiny" in it. "Shiny lures, the paint is shiny, over-priced shiny lures, the shiniest of them all." All of these terms were found on fishing web sites. I don't know what it is, but shiny is the way to go.

So, what does that have to do with me and my walk in life.
Mark 16-18 (NIV) says "As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him.

John 8:12 (NIV) says, When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV) says (this is Jesus speaking) "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put in under a bowl. Instead they put in on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

2 Corinthians 3:18 (NIV) And we, who with unveiled faces all REFLECT the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

FISH LOVE SHINY THINGS. It sounds easy doesn't it. Reflect the light of the Lord's glory on all who you come into contact and there will be no limit to how many fish you can catch for the Lord. Unfortunately, there is one problem. I (and most likely you) am human and I am not always polished. I am not always pointing to the light of the Lord. And quite honestly, sometimes I am totally in the dark.

I really love Third Day music. If you are not familiar with Third Day, they are a Christian rock band who has been around for a good number of years. Their sounds are inspired by groups like U2, REM, among others. Their lyrics are inspired by God. I love their music because 1) it is well done and 2) their lyrics speak right to my heart. I typically am not confused about what they are trying to say. Third Day sings a song called (are you ready for this), KEEP ON SHININ. The whole song is great, but the second verse really gets me choked up.

Having faith in the long run is easier said than done
It’s hard to live out in the light of day
You’re bruised and you’re battered,
your dreams have been shattered
Your best laid plans scattered over the place
Despite all your tendencies, God sees it differently
Your struggle’s a time to grow And you,
you’re a miracle, anything but typical
It’s time for the whole wide world to know

Keep on, keep on shinin’ Wherever you may be
Keep on, keep on shinin’ For all the world to see

Fish, shiny things, reflect light, Third Day. Where is all of this going?

We just moved a year and half ago. It was really hard to leave a church that we loved and people we had grown close to and quite frankly, I wasn't real excited about trying to make new friends here. But, by the grace of God, I did make a new friend about a year ago. And darnit my friend had to go and get diagnosed with advanced stage, non-Hodgkins lymphoma and make me and everyone he knows get really, really scared. I guess he and his family was probably a little scared too. Well, my friend kept his head up. He grew in his faith in the Lord. He meditated daily on the Word and continued to encourage his friends. My friend was reflecting the light of the Lord so bright that my eyes hurt. His head is now shaved. He has lost a lot of weight and still he continues to show concern for me and what is going on in my life. This week, my friend's doctor told him that his latest tests showed that his cancer was now in remission. He is only halfway through his chemo, but all of the cancer is gone.

Now my problems are way more serious than my friends. The car doesn't run great. My football team is not playing for the national championship. My pants are too tight. I mean I have problems. But, thinking about my friend's great attitude, remembering that I am a miracle created by God for a purpose and that God loves me; all help me to get all bright and shiny with the Glory of God.

If you don't mind, say a prayer for my friend. He needs the courage and patience to get through 3-4 more months of chemo. Prayer has given him peace already.