Fortunately your voice doesn't crack when you are typing. I am pretty much a basketcase about right now. You see, my oldest daughter, Emma, turns 5 on Wednesday and then graduates from pre-K next Tuesday night. I have always heard people say "watch out they grow up too fast," but now I am really finding out what it means.
I have found myself thinking back to the time when Emma was first born. I remember sitting in the rocking chair in that dim hospital room while Amy was out cold. I cradled Emma in my arms as carefully as I could. She seemed so fragile and light, yet, the weight of the moment seemed as though I were holding up a baby elephant. I remember thinking to myself, "This is about as permanent a commitment as you can get." Until the day I die, I will forever be responsible for this sweet precious baby. I got kinda panicky for a moment and wondered if I could actually handle the pressure. I wondered what made men run away from their responsibilities so often? What caused them to simply walk out on their families and turn their backs on their children?
I suppose there are a ton of excuses, but I don't believe any of them are legitimate. Don't worry though. My panick attack was short lived. Nothing brings a man back to reality like changing a meconium poopy diaper. There is not really a smell, but the looks can make you wonder if your wife just gave birth to something that was part toad. But soon the diaper was changed and we were back to our time of just looking at each other in amazement. Well, at least I was in amazement. I'm not sure what Emma thought of me.
I think that probably one of the most difficult things about being a parent is worrying about what your child is thinking. Does she hate me? Does she think I'm fun? Does she think I am a goober? Is she embarassed of me (by the way, I quit sitting at the breakfast table with my shirt off)? Will she always be my sweet little baby girl?
Like all things the answers to your problems are in the Bible. Matthew 6:25-34 talks about how ridiculous it is to worry about things. I don't have too much of a problem worrying about my next meal or what shape my clothes are in or if I will have a cool and dry place to lay my head tonight. It is not the here and now that I am concerned about. It is the in a few years, in ten years, further down the road that I am worried about. And it is not about being concerned if I have been eating the right way or whether sitting my cell phone in my lap will put radiation in my body (although that does scare me a little bit). It is about worrying if I have done the right things for my little Emma. Have I scarred her for life by teaching her to pull my finger? Will she forever think I am weird for crying when I hear the Billy Joel Lullabye song? Am I being a good example for her each day? Does she pay attention when I am not a good example? Is she eating enough? Does she have everything she needs to succeed in life? I sometimes just sit and worry that I am going to screw things up for her and she will hate me when she's older. Don't try to patronize me either. We all see it every day. The neighbor's kid, somebody on the evening news, the kid around the corner from your grandparents. Kids are screwing up their lives every day and you have to wonder how much of it can be blamed on their parents.
Ok, Ok. I just need to calm down a minute. See what worry can do to you. The best verse of all for me from this passage about worry is Matthew 6:34 - "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
So, is Jesus saying I can't even handle the things that happen today, so don't waste your time trying to worry about the problems I am going to have tomorrow? Yeah he is. Because I can't handle anything by myself.
I have found myself thinking back to the time when Emma was first born. I remember sitting in the rocking chair in that dim hospital room while Amy was out cold. I cradled Emma in my arms as carefully as I could. She seemed so fragile and light, yet, the weight of the moment seemed as though I were holding up a baby elephant. I remember thinking to myself, "This is about as permanent a commitment as you can get." Until the day I die, I will forever be responsible for this sweet precious baby. I got kinda panicky for a moment and wondered if I could actually handle the pressure. I wondered what made men run away from their responsibilities so often? What caused them to simply walk out on their families and turn their backs on their children?
I suppose there are a ton of excuses, but I don't believe any of them are legitimate. Don't worry though. My panick attack was short lived. Nothing brings a man back to reality like changing a meconium poopy diaper. There is not really a smell, but the looks can make you wonder if your wife just gave birth to something that was part toad. But soon the diaper was changed and we were back to our time of just looking at each other in amazement. Well, at least I was in amazement. I'm not sure what Emma thought of me.
I think that probably one of the most difficult things about being a parent is worrying about what your child is thinking. Does she hate me? Does she think I'm fun? Does she think I am a goober? Is she embarassed of me (by the way, I quit sitting at the breakfast table with my shirt off)? Will she always be my sweet little baby girl?
Like all things the answers to your problems are in the Bible. Matthew 6:25-34 talks about how ridiculous it is to worry about things. I don't have too much of a problem worrying about my next meal or what shape my clothes are in or if I will have a cool and dry place to lay my head tonight. It is not the here and now that I am concerned about. It is the in a few years, in ten years, further down the road that I am worried about. And it is not about being concerned if I have been eating the right way or whether sitting my cell phone in my lap will put radiation in my body (although that does scare me a little bit). It is about worrying if I have done the right things for my little Emma. Have I scarred her for life by teaching her to pull my finger? Will she forever think I am weird for crying when I hear the Billy Joel Lullabye song? Am I being a good example for her each day? Does she pay attention when I am not a good example? Is she eating enough? Does she have everything she needs to succeed in life? I sometimes just sit and worry that I am going to screw things up for her and she will hate me when she's older. Don't try to patronize me either. We all see it every day. The neighbor's kid, somebody on the evening news, the kid around the corner from your grandparents. Kids are screwing up their lives every day and you have to wonder how much of it can be blamed on their parents.
Ok, Ok. I just need to calm down a minute. See what worry can do to you. The best verse of all for me from this passage about worry is Matthew 6:34 - "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
So, is Jesus saying I can't even handle the things that happen today, so don't waste your time trying to worry about the problems I am going to have tomorrow? Yeah he is. Because I can't handle anything by myself.
I suppose the best thing my wife and I can do is to let her know everyday that God loves her and so do we. Let her know every day that she can trust in God to help her in times of need. She can depend on God to guide her throughout her life. We should let her know each day that she should place God first in her life and by doing so, everything else will fall into place. We should let her know that this doesn't mean she won't have struggles or bad days or scrapes on her knees, but if she allows God to be in her life everyday she won't have to worry about what is going to happen tomorrow.
Emma, I pray to God for the wisdom, strength, courage and guidance to be the best father I can for you. I will ask him for patience and kindness when I am not having the best of days, and I will ask him to remind me to laugh and giggle with you, and pin you down on the floor and tickle your neck until you can't stand it. I am so proud of you for the beautiful, sweet and loving little girl that you have become. I love you very much and I pray that you know and understand that and more importantly know that God loves you. Always keep God first in your life.
As Your children gather in peace
All the angels sing in Heaven
In Your temple all that I seek
Is to glimpse Your holy presence
All the heavens cannot hold You, Lord
How much less to dwell in me?
I can only make my one desire
Holding on to Thee
All the angels exalt You on high
What a kingdom to depart!
But You left Your throne in the sky
Just to live inside my heart
I will always make my one desire
Holding on to Thee
All the Heavens - Third Day
Happy Birthday My Little Angel! I love you very much!
Love,
Daddy
